Today, I realized the word bed actually looks like a bed. MLIA

Today, I had to choose between a strawberry flavored Dum Dum and a mystery flavored Dum Dum. I decided to be adventurous and choose the mystery flavor; it was strawberry flavored. MLIA

Today I installed a program and it asked if I had read and agreed to the terms and conditions. I hadn't, but I clicked 'yes' anyway. The program didn't know I lied, and began to install. MLIA.

Last night, I was really hot in bed, so I took one leg out of the covers. Then I got scared because it was too dark and my leg felt unprotected from somthing hiding under my bed. So I put it back under the blankets. MLIA

Today, I went to the store and bought some Land o Lakes cheese. On the label, it said 'LOL Cheese'. I laughed. MLIA

I grew up in a college town, and one Halloween our doorbell rang and we opened the door expecting to see trickortreater—but what was in front of our open door—was another door! Like, a full-on wooden door, that had a sign that said “Please knock.” So we did, and the door swung open to reveal a bunch of college dudes dressed as really old grandmothers, curlers in their hair, etc, who proceeded to coo over our “costumes” and tell us we were “such cute trick or treaters!” One even pinched my cheek. Then THEY gave US candy, closed their door, picked it up and walked to the next house. MLIA

Today I won a million dollars, but I closed out of the pop-up anyway. MLIA 

Today, I saw a commercial for the Snuggie. I thought it was stupid idea but I couldn't change the channel because I was under a blanket and I didn't want my arms to get cold. MLIA

Today, as I was waiting on line at a store, I noticed the cashier had a British accent. When it was my turn, I faked a British accent in conversation. He asked me where I was from, so I admitted that I was faking. His British accent disappeared as he said, "Me too." MLIA.

Today, my mom told me to clean my room because the cleaning lady is coming tomorrow. I'm still confused. MLIA

Today, the whole world came crashing down on me, so I got some tape and stuck the map back onto the wall. MLIA

Today, I filled a Windex bottle with blue Gatorade. I then sprayed it into my mouth infront of my mother. She began to panic and scream and get hysterical. I thought it was funny. She didn't. MLIA

Today, I met a girl named Unique. She has an identical twin sister. No one else thought it was funny. MLIA.

Today, I was thinking about the expression 'revenge is a dish best served cold'. Then I considered that 'revenge is sweet'. I've come to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream. MLIA

The other day I learned that if you say 'beer can' with an English accent, you're saying 'bacon' with a Jamaican accent. Mind blown. MLIA

Today, after waiting for months, I went to an orphanage to adopt a child. The first child I was introduced to was in a full batman costume. We had an in-depth conversation about Gothams crime status, and his recent encounters with the joker. Guess who i'm bringing home? MLIA

Today, I renamed my iPod "This ship" just for the pleasure of seeing the phrase "This ship is syncing" MLIA

This morning, I walked into the kitchen to find my Dad drinking his coffee. When he took a big sip, I told him I was pregnant. He spit it out all over the table. I'm his son. MLIA

Today, I received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and it had reached a point where he needed to be sent outside. I don't have a son. That kid is a good liar. MLIA.  

Today, my friend explained to me that if you write 3.14 on a piece of paper and hold it in a mirror, it will say pie. Mind. Blown. MLIA